I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
