Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
