Kiss
Puke
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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