dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
