you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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