I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
