You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
