the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
