I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
