I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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