??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
