My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
