I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
