Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize