I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
