guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
