Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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