Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize