walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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