Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
