This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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