she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
