saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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