im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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