i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
