Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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