You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
