i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
