Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
