His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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