btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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