My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
