Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize