You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
