hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
