can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
