please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize