his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
