I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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