after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize