Kiss
Puke
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
