what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
birth control should be required to get into college
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
