shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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