so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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