Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
