how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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