hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
