the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize