Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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