WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
