If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
