i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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