I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
