my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
