dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
