Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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