Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
