Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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