Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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