Jerry, you need to find god
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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