Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
