why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Too much gin, very little bucket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
