I just saw a hot homeless man
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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