i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't deserve a penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize