I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How external is "for external use only"?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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