Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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