I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
