Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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