how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
