ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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