just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
