Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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