highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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