If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
