...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
