She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
