I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
