is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
