I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
