I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize