Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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