if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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