my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
