your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone came in the potted fern
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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