there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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