my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
