did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
