he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You took a bar mat shot.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
