i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
