I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
