Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
