My girlfriend figured out who you are.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
