God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
