Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
