I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
