Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
