kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
