were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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