i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
