i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
