I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
