Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
