does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
