You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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