Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
