my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
