i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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