I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
